Coping Strategies for Difficult Custody Exchanges
What should you do if a custody or visitation exchange is going wrong? I’m Tulsa family attorney Carl Birkhead with Wirth Law Office in Oklahoma. I’ve been practicing family and criminal law for over seven years. I want to help make law easy by talking about how to act during a custody or visitation exchange and what to do if it starts to go sideways.
The last thing that you want or need is your holiday to get completely ruined by having a blow-up fight with your co-parents. Hopefully, your exchange is going to go smoothly and you don’t need to call a lawyer and talk about it. If something goes wrong, I want to give you some advice on how to handle it.
Handling a Delayed Custody Exchange
Let’s say, for example, your co-parents are running late to the exchange, whether that’s an exchange at one person’s house or the other’s. Sometimes, courts will say, that whichever party is receiving the children goes to pick the children up from the other parent’s house. Then when that visitation time is over, that parent comes to your house to pick them up.
Keep it short. Keep it simple. If you’ve got a contentious relationship with your co-parent, don’t speak with them unless you have to, unless it’s something specifically related to how to affect this visitation exchange. Does the kid have their medicine? Do they have their favorite blanket? Do they have their Nintendo Switch? Just check the boxes. Don’t engage anywhere else.
Steps to Ensure a Safe Custody Exchange
That’s true just as much if you’re having a public exchange as if you were exchanging at someone else’s home. The good thing about a public exchange, other than there are witnesses, is there are also surveillance cameras. A lot of people will switch at a police station or a gas station, somewhere there are cameras around to record everything that happens.
That’s not always enough, though. Surveillance cameras don’t always record audio. What I tell a lot of clients is just have your phone out, have it ready to record, and just keep it by your side recording the exchange. If you think it’s going to go badly or if it’s already starting to go badly, make a record of it. Also, make sure that you’re not the one that’s causing it to go badly.
Maintaining Composure During Conflict
Don’t ever throw the first punch verbally or literally in these situations. Just keep it light, keep it pleasant, keep it cordial, if nothing else, and just get out of there as quickly as you can. If they try to start a fight, ignore it. If they try to dig into you, just say, I’m not addressing this right now, especially not in front of our child.
Your child doesn’t need to see you guys getting into it for whatever reason, whether it’s they show up 20 minutes late to visitation or they want to pick at you because they don’t like your new significant other or they want to bring up crap from the past, just let it roll off your back. It is not worth it. It’s not worth letting it destroy the peace of your time with the child.
It’s not worth letting your child see you and the other parent get into it. If they start getting into you, have a nice break. See you in a week and get out of there. If they try to get physical with you, get out of there as quickly as you can, and as I said, always make sure that you’re making a record of it.
Reach Out for Assistance: Start with a Strategy Session
If you have questions about this or if you’ve just had a visitation exchange that goes badly and you need to know what to do, call us. I’m Tulsa child custody attorney Carl Birkhead with Wirth Law Office, and I want to help make law easy. Call us today at 918-879-1681 to schedule a low-cost initial strategy session. Let us help you navigate these challenging situations with confidence.
