Understanding Parental Alienation During the Holidays
Were you prevented from seeing your children during the holidays? I’m Tulsa family lawyer Carl Birkhead with Wirth Law Office in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I’ve been practicing family and criminal law for about seven years now, and I want to help you make law easy by talking about parental alienation and what that looks like during the holidays. So let’s start with the basics.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is the term that we use in our pleadings and the courts when one parent is actively trying to interfere with the parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent. So it could be the mom actively preventing the dad from having a relationship with the child, or the dad actively preventing the mom from having a relationship with the child. It can be in little ways like avoiding phone calls whenever, let’s say, dad wants to call the kid while the kid’s with mom, and mom doesn’t let that call happen.
It could also involve one parent or the other saying negative things about the other parent. They might declare that the other is a terrible, awful, no good, very bad human being, and assert that the child shouldn’t like them anymore. It can be as overt and obvious as flat-out saying, I know that this is your visitation time, but I’m not going to let you have them.
Impact of Parental Alienation During Holidays
All of these things happen during the holidays a lot. I’ve had cases where one parent’s not able to do as much for Christmas presents. The other parent will then throw that parent under the bus with the kids, saying something like, Well, you know all these presents came from me; your deadbeat other parent didn’t do anything. I’ve had cases where a parent just wants to call and say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, but the other parent refuses to allow it.
A common issue is parents disagreeing on how to celebrate—whether to include religious aspects of Christmas or keep it secular. This can become a form of parental alienation, especially when one parent disparages the other or denies visitation over holiday differences. For example, refusing to let the child attend church on Christmas Eve and only allowing visitation afterward.
Best Practices for Avoiding Parental Alienation
My best advice? Don’t interfere with your child’s relationship with the other parent—no matter the reason. If it’s the other parent’s holiday time and they choose to take the child to church, that’s their right—just as it’s your right to disagree. As long as they’re not violating a joint parenting plan by forcing a religion on the child without mutual agreement, they’re free to practice their faith with them. It’s okay to take a child to church or explain the meaning of Christmas. What’s not okay is interference.
Make sure visitation happens. Make sure phone calls happen. And no matter how much you dislike your co-parent, don’t speak negatively about them to your child. If they truly are a bad parent, your child will see it for themselves over time. If you try to influence their perception, they may resent you for it later. Focus on your own relationship with your child and let the other parent do the same—stay out of the way.
Need Legal Advice? Schedule a Low-Cost Initial Strategy Session
If you have questions about this or if you feel like you’re in a situation where your co-parent is interfering with your relationship with your child, please call us. I’m more than happy to talk to you about it. Let’s see what we can get figured out. I’m Tulsa family law attorney Carl Birkhead with Wirth Law Office and I want to help you make law easy. Contact us at 918-879-1681 for a low-cost initial strategy session.
